Being a grown up is hard. Hardest part is when you grow older so does everyone around you. This past year it has really hit home that my parents are getting older, and time is limited. Then this past week I have a Mom, who needs surgery (not life threatening), and now a Dad who’s been in the hospital for the last four days with congestive heart failure, blood pressure all messed up, and various other things happening.

I am not coping well. I am functioning. The house is decent. The kids are oblivious, but I’m bubbling under the surface. Mini breakdowns happen daily, and I have been able to hold off a major one.

Partly I feel like I shouldn’t be so Mom is the one who is dealing with a sick husband and her own stuff. I’m off an hour away with my kids trying to keep our normal routine.

I don’t post on Facebook, because I don’t want to seem attention seeking, and also because I am more private than people realize. It seems to be ironic to have a blog, but if you look through it I don’t get real deep about myself or family. Just like Facebook I keep it all pretty even keel and happy. I just have to release some of this…guilt, worry, sadness, just whatever keeps popping to the surface.

Too much unknown. Anxiety whenever the phone rings. Worries about what happens if he doesn’t come home. Worries about what if he does. Worries about what to tell kids if something does happen.

However, it is too late for me and I have grown up and this is all a part of that…a really shitty part.

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